Troubleshooters

By Julie Ann Dawson

Saturday, 8:37 pm

“Do you know what I miss most?” asked Lita as she surveyed the café. Rich shook his head and shrugged. “I miss coffee.”

“Coffee? Of all the things we lose after the change, you miss coffee?” Rich gave her that look that made her want to rip his face off whenever he did it.

“Yeah, coffee.” She put the cup up to her lips and pretended to sip. She dipped her tongue into the thick mocha cappuccino, trying to remember the taste. It was warm and smooth against her tongue, but the flavor was lost to her. She put the cup down and sighed.

The target walked through the door, flashing a smile at the hostess that made her turn slightly pink. He leaned in toward her and whispered something. The slight pink darkened to a pale red as she tried not to reveal a schoolgirl smile.

“Mortal women are so gullible,” said Lita as she watched the whole disgusting display. Rich nodded in agreement.

The hostess, barely able to look at the target without blushing, escorted him to his table.

“How many women do you think he has on the side?” asked Rich.

“Considering his work schedule, I don’t think he could consistently swing more than two or three regulars. That’s not to say he doesn’t get a lot of one-nighters.”

“Think he gets his master’s leftovers?”

“Probably. Probably one of his perks.”

Rich threw the money down on the table for the coffees they didn’t drink and stood up. Lita took one last sniff of her cappuccino before following Rich over to the target’s table. Rich sat across from the target, while Lita sat next to him adjusting her shirt. She pulled it down in a feigned effort to cover the top of her slacks, and in the process revealed a bit of extra cleavage. The target’s interest went to her cleavage instead of why they were sitting at his table. “Mortal men are so gullible,” thought Lita as she made herself comfortable.

“Hey, when your done checking out her boobs, over here,” said Rich, leaning slightly over the table and pointing to himself. The target turned his attention to him with a smug cock of the eyebrow. Rich threw the manila folder on the table. The target looked from Rich to Lita to the folder.

“You might wanna peek in that,” said Lita.

The target, doing a poor job of acting bored, flipped open the folder. Rich snatched the picture of the man’s wife tied to a chair back from him before he could pick it up.

“What…” began the target.

“Shut up and listen,” said Rich. He stared into the target’s eyes and enjoyed the fear radiating off of him. “You’re master has something our client wants. We have something you want. Perhaps we can work out an arrangement where no one gets hurt and your master need never know how much of a fuck-up you are. After all, if you can’t keep your own wife and daughter safe…”

“What have you done to Leah?” asked the target in a hushed scream.

The waitress came over to take the target’s order. He told her he needed a few more minutes. She smiled and nodded politely, oblivious to the fact that his world was about to come crashing down around him.

“This is how the deal works, so pay attention. Your master has a small statuette in his study, small enough to fit comfortably into a briefcase. You get the statuette and call the number on the inside of the folder. At that time, you’ll be given a location. You bring the statuette in exchange for your daughter.”

“And Megan?”

“Oh, he DOES care about his wife. That is so sweet,” said Lita to Rich. She turned to the target. “Wifey is kept in a separate location, to be released within ten hours of getting the item in question. We want to make sure you don’t double-cross us. Think of it as a half now, half later kind of payment. So you get your kid immediately, and ten hours later you pick up your wife after we know you haven’t tried to pull any stunts.”

Rich stood up. “You got forty-eight hours. Enjoy your meal.” Lita followed after him, trying not to laugh.

Sunday, 3:14 am

“That didn’t take long,” said Rich as he hung up the phone.

“You gotta wonder why it never occurs to them to just call the cops.”

“Because they’re stupid and they don’t want their masters to find out what they are up to.” Rich sniffed the air. “What the fuck is that smell?” Lita pointed to the coffee-scented candle sitting on the table. Rich shook a finger at her. “You have some serious personal issues you need to get addressed.”

“Go to hell, Rich. I’m not the one who can only feed off of sluts I bang. And you talk about MY issues?”

“I CHOSE to feed that way. Like you never got down on your knees for a meal.” Rich moved his tongue against the inside of his left cheek and made a vulgar gesture with his hand. Lita threw a book at him and bared her fangs. Rich caught the book roughly and threw it back at her. She ducked and the book struck the lamp behind her, knocking it over and sending it crashing to the floor. Lita lunged at Rich hissing. She drove her shoulder into his chest and sent him flying backwards into the coffee table. The table cracked beneath the force.

Rich tore at Lita’s shirt, exposing her shoulder. He extended his fangs and bit down into her jugular. Lita let out wail, then ripped open Rich’s shirt and bit down on his neck. They rolled off the broken table onto the bare floor, drinking from each other’s wounds. After a couple of minutes, Rich released his bite and pried Lita’s mouth off his neck.

Lita struggled under Rich to break free, but he grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the floor. He hissed in her face, but got too close to her mouth. She lifted her head and bit his lip, yanking off a bit of flesh. He smiled as she swallowed it.

“We got a couple hours until sunrise. You wanna...?”

Lita relaxed beneath his weight. “Totally,” she said as Rich released her hands to undo her pants.

Sunday 10:03 pm

Lita sat on the hood of the car, dipping her tongue into the Styrofoam cup of coffee. She noticed Rich shaking his head at her out of the corner of her eye. She looked up from her coffee and scowled at him.

The target’s car came down the desolate alley between the two abandoned factories. He killed the lights and slowly opened the car door. Rich made a gesture telling him to hurry up. Lita pointed to her watch. The target cautiously approached them, briefcase in hand.

“Where’s my daughter?” he demanded meekly.

“Stop talking like you got any stroke here. Let’s see the item,” said Rich. Lita motioned for the target to hand her the briefcase. He complied. She opened the briefcase to find the statuette wrapped tightly in cotton rags.

“Please, my daughter.”

Lita motioned to the trunk. The target walked slowly around the car and stood in front of the trunk. Lita threw the keys to him. He opened the trunk to find his daughter lying in a pool of her own blood, her green eyes wide in that type of terror only death can preserve. Lita busted up laughing.

“I can’t believe he thought they were getting out of this alive!” she exclaimed, almost falling off the hood of the car in laughter.

Another car sped toward them, slamming on the breaks just in time to prevent a collision with the back of Rich’s car. The target turned around quickly, then stood frozen in fear like one of those dear you find dead on the highway. The driver side door opened.

“I told you this one was the weakest link,” said Rich.

The target’s master emerged from the shadows next to the car and started into the man’s eyes. He caressed the side of the man’s face with the back of his hand. “After all I did for you, you would put your own personal desires before your loyalty to me? This is most unfortunate. However, it is not as unfortunate as if I had allowed such a dishonorable worm as you to fester any longer in my service. Who knows what damage you may have done to me in the future." He clutched the man by the neck.

“Wait, Master!” it was a female voice from the passenger side of the car. Megan opened the car door and moved toward the vampire. “Please, Master,” she said as she removed a butcher knife from the folds of her dress. “Do not dirty your hands. Allow me to once more prove my worth to you.”

That is one cold woman right there,” said Lita as she walked over to Rich.

“Kills her own kid. Offers to kill her own husband. Kinda reminds me of you,” said Rich.

“Funny,” said Lita as she watched the woman slash open her husband’s throat. “Didn’t I say she would make a much better servant? Do I know how to pick them or what?”

“Mr. Ellison, I thank you for your services,” said the client as he extended his hand to Rich. “I must say your reputation for troubleshooting an organization is most deserved.”

“Always happy to help,” said Rich as he shook his hand.

“Mrs. Ellison, I must thank you as well for your keen eye for recruiting. I am sure Megan will make a far more loyal assistant than her husband.” He took her hand and kissed it.

“It was my pleasure.”

“We can use you as a reference?” asked Rich.

“Of course, of course,” said the client as he walked back to his vehicle. In fact, I have a business associate who may be interested in your peculiar talents. How do you feel about working with demons?”

“If it is a business associate of yours, I’m sure we will be able to work with it just fine,” said Rich. “Just give him our number and we’ll be happy to help.”

The client and Megan got in the car and drove off. Rich and Lita started cleaning up the mess.

“I’ll bet you $50 he turns her in under a decade,” said Lita as she wiped the blood off the car.

“You think that soon?” replied Rich as he picked up the body and threw it in the trunk.

“Totally. Did you see the way they looked at each other?”

“They would make a pretty cool couple.”

“Not as cool as us, of course.”

“I love you, baby,” said Rich. He leaned over and kissed Lita. She purred softly.

“I love you, too.”

“Let’s get these bodies home while they’re fresh and still got blood in them.” Lita smiled and jumped in the car.

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