Into the Fire

With Diana Bennett

Graham Masterton, is a master wordsmith, writing and excelling in numerous genres. I encourage you to take a moment a read over his responses to my odd questions and once you have been charmed by his humour, warmth and depth visit his website and chose which of his brilliant works you would like to use as a door into the wonderful world of his fiction. I am certain once you visit the landscapes painted by his words you will anticipate each new work as much as I do.

DB: What was Graham the child known for? Were there any quirky things that would cause people to say oh that's just Graham being Graham? Have any of them carried over into adulthood?

GM: I was always writing and drawing, and so I tended to keep myself to myself. I drew comics and posted them through my friends' doors, which their parents must have considered rather strange. I wrote volumes of stories about a Jules Verne-style adventurer called Hans Lee who grappled with giant squids and climbed volcanoes. Unusually for a British schoolboy in the 1950s, I was deeply devoted to all things American, not only cowboys and Indians but the details of American suburbia, such as huge cars and modern kitchens, and I scrutinized the minutiae of American daily life through Life and Time and other magazines. I even knew the brand-names of soap powders and floor polish and all the different varieties of candy-bar. I had a dream that my uncle was Harley Earl, and that I drove vast pastel-colored Cadillac's on warm sunny afternoons, with all of my family in them. This carried into adult life, with my successive ownership of Lincoln Continentals, Mercury Marquis Broughams, Chevrolets and (ultimately) a white Cadillac Fleetwood. Now that Uncle Harley has passed away, and American sedans have become small and boring, and my sons can look after themselves, the dream has faded, as all dreams eventually should.

DB: Let's assume you felt like making some guests a mud-pie. What outdoor and regular(ish) ingredients would you use? What do you imagine each ingredient would add to the flavour?

GM: Truffles, snuffled from the roots of Druidic oak trees by small, tri-lingual pigs; mackerel, called from the sea by mackerel-whistles, and arranged as in a star-gazey pie in a thick mixture of oatmeal and mallards' eggs. A hundred grindings of Japanese hallucinogenic pepper, as well as stewed laurel-leaves and a liberal sprinkling of turtles cheese. Truffles bring earthiness and nourish the darkness of the soul; mackerel bring the fishy taste of suspicion; oatmeal gives frankness and truth and slows down time as well as the bowel-movements; mallards' eggs help friends to fly in formation. Turtles' cheese brings curdled ambitions and hopelessness, and laurel-leaves eventually bring darkness and death.

DB: You have an exceptional knowledge of various demons and their lore. Which demon would you say shares some of your positive traits and what are they? And of course which demon represents your darker side and why?

GM: I am Eskudait, the fire demon described by the Penobscot Indians…rather like a will'o'the wisp leading travelers through dark and dangerous territory. I guide them and entertain them for as long as it amuses me, and try to make sure that they have a good time…but occasionally, when the mood takes me, I will suddenly extinguish my light and leave them alone in utter darkness, in the swampy reaches of no place at all, not knowing which way to turn next. Eskudait is my bright side, and my dark side, all in one.

DB: In a single card reading for you I pulled this card from the Witches Runes. Just looking at the card and using your intuition tell me what it means to you.

GM: This is the Rune card for Dag, or light or awakening, representing the cycle of life and change that takes place within a single twenty-four hour period. I know it better as the Gaelic rune Dusgadh. This particular card is painted by the most wishy-washy of Tarot artists, Nigel Jackson. I wouldn't ask him to decorate my bathroom, let alone my future.

DB: We all have moments in life that were so embarrassing we absolutely cannot forget them. Would you share with us one of those moments? What were your thoughts at the time? How did you cope with it at the moment?

GM: I was recently embarrassed by being taken in by a scammer who claimed that he was going to set up a movie of one of my novels. Considering he looked like something out of a horror movie himself, he was very good at appealing to my vanity, I have to admit, and introduced me to famous screen actors and celebrity singing stars and Hollywood directors…but he had absolutely no money and all of his schemes were nothing but fantasies. I eventually twigged, thank God, and I never gave him any money (which I suspect was going to be stage two of the scam). But I am deeply embarrassed that I was so big-headed and refused to acknowledge the obvious con into which I was being drawn. But never again. Humility rules, especially when it comes to movies.

DB: If you were a four course meal what would you be and why? And would you be offended if I used the wrong fork?

GM: Caramelized hand-dived scallops, followed by Dover sole grillée, followed by lamb cutlets cooked pink in a crust of Provencal herbs, followed by a selection of Var cheeses. Freshness, straightforwardness, accuracy of touch, flavor, and ripe maturity. And, yes, I would be furious if you used the wrong fork. I am very demanding when it comes to table manners. Or any other manners. Manners are the choreography of kindness.

DB: Supposing you were asked to design an entirely new Olympic competition what would it be called? What are the basic rules? Would there be any special judging criteria? What would be the prize?

GM: How quickly can you disassemble an Olympic stadium and spare us the absurdity of the Olympics. The prize would be a week in a whorehouse of the winner's choice.

DB: Okay a few quick fire preference questions… Shaken or stirred? Ginger or MaryAnn? Fairies or elves? Coffee or tea?

GM: Trembled. Neither. Hobgoblins. Champagne .

DB: Congratulations on winning the Tombstone for your work The Anti-Claus . What new works are on the horizon for you?

GM: THE DEVIL IN GRAY will be published by Leisure Books on October 5, 2004, INNOCENT BLOOD by Severn House in February, 2005 and UNSPEAKABLE by Pocket Star in September, 2005. I have finished a new vaguely supernatural thriller TOUCHY&FEELY and I am now working on a new Manitou novel. I recently went through a Lady of Shalott moment and my story CAMELOT will appear in the next Hot Blood anthology edited by Jeff Gelb and Michael Garrett (Leisure) while HALF-SICK OF SHADOWS appears (with illustrations) on www.bbc.co.uk/cult/vampires .